Bobby M – The Wild Pet Mantis…

A trip to the garden centre bought a very special treat while living in Spain a few years ago. I purchase a bright and colourful gaillardia and a heliotrope in the hope of attracting some extra bees to our garden. My love of macro photography needed subjects to come to us, it was too hot in Spain during the summer to go very far on foot, and standing still trying to take photographs meant instant sweating on the spot. I needed them to come to me. Flowers purchased, we returned home and put them in the terraced yard on a table to keep them away from the floors, very hot tiles don’t help plant roots.

Later that day, I had re-potted the plants and given them some water and what do I find? A praying mantis, a cute small adorable little praying mantis! I couldn’t believe it.

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But, not only did we find one mantis – but shortly after on the same day, we spotted a second one, excited beyond belief at that point. This one was different though, the first find being a European Mantis, the second one appeared to be an Orchid Mantis or Conehead Mantis nymph, still not sure.

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We only had less than a month to enjoy the smaller of the two before nature took its course. They were not contained in any way yet chose to remain on the table in the yard with an array of colourful bright plants to have as their home. But had I known about their temperament, I would have given them separate areas. They are very territorial it turns out and will eat anything that moves, even their own kind. So, within a month we were down to one mantis, but that one was with us for months. We got to see him grow bigger, see him shed and turn into a fully grown mantis. He could have left at any time but didn’t, he stayed and every morning was exciting, to see if he was still there. Being relieved when he was. We had a great number of geckos living there too and at night they would crawl over the walls looking for tasty morsels, so we pulled the table away from the wall to give him a chance.

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The time came for us to move, we were heading up into the mountains as a change to coastal living, we were looking for a place to settle and wanted to try all options first. I could not bring myself to leave our little mantis there, it was a stark terrace without our plants and although there were lots of flowers in watered areas, the rest of the area was pretty dry – also being just at the end of a hot summer. So I decided he was coming with us, his adventure would continue in the mountains with a wild garden surrounding us and lots more flora and fauna. He seemed to take to it well, and remarkably stayed in the little mandarin tree I placed him in, safe from the geckos (up there we had more than before), and with lots of bees and flies coming and going for a food. But lets be fair, he had the whole of the outside, he didn’t really need my help.

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But there did come the day, about a month after we moved and the temperature was starting to drop, that he didn’t come out of his little tree to say hello. And no matter how hard I looked (in the tree it had become a bit of a Where’s Wally/Waldo game), one day he just wasn’t there. I knew it was coming but it was still harsh and took a bit of fun out of the morning for a while. I like to think he left to go mating and have the life of a mantis rather than anything else. It turns out up there was very habitable for mantises and we saw an array of different ones the following summer. I saw him eat plenty of insects so it’s not unreasonable to think nature took him too (or even another mantis) – and eventually time would have anyway as apparently they only live for around a year. Nature is cruel, but beautiful at the same time. This was a unique experience and one I cherish.

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Bobby Mantis

 

(c) K Wicks

Aphantasia #2

This was written nearly two years ago, and most of this has found its way into my book covering this in further detail – Meeting in the Middle of Nowhere.

“It’s been nearly a year now since I learned of this and have been trying to understand Aphantasia, i now know it is in varying degrees across the board for the people who have it, partial for some, full for others. I try as best i can to understand what it is to not have visualisation, to not imagine at all and to not picture anything in ones head, its a concept i had not considered but now makes perfect sense.

For full Aphantasiacs, the difference from partial seems to be startling too ( i can only comment on full as that’s been my experience). There is no escape from the stark reality before you, what you see is all there is – without dreams and mental pictures to carry you away, what you see really is all there is. I have the ability to replay movies in my head, run through what i saw mentally, recall faces, remember looking at lists, posters, people, i can see it all in my mind. But trying to explain that to someone who doesn’t, well, i have been told it sounds like the most alien thing in the world.

“You can play movies in your head?!” Yes. I can retrieve almost anything i have seen in my life, whether i remember it correctly is another matter, but i have something there. I can picture all of my family, past and present, i can imagine i’m looking in the fridge when i am trying to remember what i need to buy (when i forget my shopping list). I use it for so much, and also i realise, for escapism. Even just standing in line or waiting is assisted by my mind wandering, occupying itself with either something i want to do later, of something i might have watched the night before.

So, looking backwards and forwards is natural for me, spending possibly very little time in the present. Reviewing what was, and speculating on what might be. But not for one who doesn’t imagine – there is nothing to ‘look’ back on, and the future doesn’t exist. So living in the now takes on a whole new meaning, and seems that it can lead to immense impatience and frustration with the world and people. Mostly the people who seem to be ‘in a different world’. It’s because they actually are – which was quite a terrifying revelation to one who doesn’t ‘drift away’ in mind – while driving, cooking, walking, and everything else we do, most of us probably are mentally somewhere else. “So no-one is really in reality or sees the world as it is?” And that was the terrifying bit, the reality of that question.

I’m still learning on this and will keep at it”.

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(c) K L Wicks

 

Meeting in the Middle of Nowhere

 

 

The Idea Is Just The Beginning…

It’s one of the most exciting feelings ever. To have an idea that’s turns into a story and to feel like like it’s going to go somewhere. It’s at this stage I conveniently forget the agonizing process that will follow. The months and years of writing and editing ahead, the crisis of faith in ability, the ups and downs of the characters, mourning the ones who didn’t make it and the relief of when it all comes together. But actually, I realise that it’s all of it that makes it so exciting. The idea is just the beginning…

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(c) K Wicks

The Hay Bale Incident…

I’m not sure if everyone was prone to accidents when they were a child, I was sort of a tomboy and liked getting into it and giving it a go, which given my lack of awareness and balance, often led to some comedic accidents.

One of which I will share as it still amuses me very much to this day. As the title suggests, it does indeed involve a hay bale. So, I am 12 at the time, I lived in Hampshire as part of an army camp but not a restricted one. Squaddie brat was the term for us kids of the military folk and I think I lived up to the name quite well. We used to have to find things to occupy ourselves outside of school as all children do.  During the school holidays the army were very good at providing activities and schemes for us while parents still had to work. These would include shooting, swimming, PT and other things. But the rest of the time, we were mostly out and about and sometimes up to no good.

We were lucky enough to be surrounded by lots of countryside, fields and woods and as much adventuring as we could fit it. But come the late summer we had lots of large round hay bales begin to appear in the field out the back of our estate. A game was devised, or trick if you will. Here it was, push the one ton hay bale down the slight hill, once it picked up a bit of momemtum, grab onto the netting covering said hay bale, hook your fingers into it and get pulled over with the now moving bale. The trick being a crafty leg swing as you are pulled over the top, and releasing your fingers at the same time. Which all going well, puts you in front of the hay bale, on your feet while it now picks up speed down to the bottom of the field.

The principle was simple, and I see two of my friends complete this seemingly new manoeuvre without any issue or hesitation. I know what must be done and take my turn. But what I didn’t factor into this, was my lack of skill and co-ordination. I did not lack bravery or willing when I was younger, but as I got older the evidence became clear that I lacked skill, and this is what kept leading me into injury.

So, I stepped up to my hay bale and gave it a push, both hands in front of me starting the motion, I chose my moment to grip onto the plastic netting and was instantly pulled upwards towards the top. I swung my legs round as best I could planning the same smooth stunt I had witnessed, but something went wrong. My fingers didn’t unwrap from the netting, my legs didn’t quite go all the way round, and instead of jumping in front of it, I went with it. Imagine a steam roller made of hay with a person on it. That’s what happened. I went straight over the front of it and then proceeded to be crushed by it. Luckily only having some bruises and cuts on my face and a sore rib cage. I had to go home to my mother and explain why I had odd scratches and bruises down one side of my face. She laughed, a lot, so did the rest of the family.

I would like to say that was a one off, an isolated incident, but I would be lying. My younger years really were filled with a number of mishaps…

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(c) K Wicks

Clocking Off (Short Story)…

Sharing again one of my published short stories taken from – Under the Apple Tree and other dark short stories. Hope you enjoy Clocking Off…

UTAT - paperback clocking off

Clocking Off

It was my first day in a new job. I stood before the old Victorian building looking up from the street. It was so imposing and loomed over me, making me want to lean back as if it would come crashing down on me, like reverse vertigo. But it didn’t. Instead I walked up the steps and opened the door.

It was so different inside, completely modernised and fresh with clean furniture and décor, large bright windows filling the front office with light. A complete contrast from the outside view. It was a publishing company that had been established for over a century, and I had been keen to work for them for quite some time.

With a reputation of quality and a great name, working here meant a lifelong ticket to the industry. There had been rumours of other things occurring here other than success, but I had brushed those from my mind. I was not a superstitious person and didn’t go in for bedtime stories or industry gossip, so paid no heed. I wanted to get on and asking silly questions about legend and history wouldn’t serve me well I decided.

I would be meeting with the owner today Mr. Whittle of Whittle & Schumer Publishing, he was of course not the original, but in fact was the 3rd Mr. Whittle, but nonetheless carried the family business forward carrying the name and responsibility.

Solely it turned out. I did ask one question while I was being shown about the building.

“So is there a Mr. Schumer anymore?”

It seemed a reasonable query. Mr. Whittle gave a very small smile before he spoke.

“Bob pops in upstairs from time to time, but not as a general rule. For quite some years now.”

I wondered how old he was, was he the original Mr. Schumer? They didn’t speak of another so on that I was left to wonder, but did not ask.

“That’s his office down the hallway at the end, currently being used by Jim, in fact, it’s only had 3 occupiers since Bob. They say whoever works in there comes up with publishing gold.”

He nudged me upon saying this and gave me a strange wink.

“You’ve started at the right time, Jim will be retiring next year, give you time to get your feet under the table and see if you can cut it first!”

And with that I received a hearty slap on the back. It was the old ways here and I realised I felt at home already. I made my way to my new office and got down to it. I had to learn all about our authors, new projects, marketing and editing, meet all the people and start contributing.

I had a huge pile of books on my desk that had been stacked and marked up into genres with a note on top.

For Jim

I looked around, wondering why this was on my desk and not in Jim’s office on his. I wasn’t here to be a dogs body but didn’t want to rock the boat on my first day. No-one appeared to be interested in what was on my desk, so I bundled the books into my arms nearly dropping them before I noticed a trolley next to my desk. Obviously for the books! Of course people don’t have to carry around stacks of books. I felt like an idiot, but again no-one noticed what I was doing, or cared.

As I pushed the trolley down the corridor, I glanced at some of the titles of the books, they were all varying genres. I wondered why one publisher would be given so many books, did he have to read them all? It worried me for my future here as a publisher, there was no way I could read that many books. Not this side of the century anyway.

I got to Jim’s office, although it still had the old letters of Robert C Schumer delicately painted on the glass. I knocked and opened the door not leaving much time for reply. To be honest I was still a little miffed at having to deliver his books like a lackey and didn’t feel like being made to wait outside. But to my surprise (and quite possibly his) Jim had been asleep upon my entrance, being promptly awoken and nearly falling from his chair in the process.

I was not amused. Jim looked flustered and gave me a look up and down, confusion on his face over the unfamiliarity of mine.

“Who are you? Why didn’t you knock? Had a rough night you know, I don’t make a habit of sleeping on the job. Ah, new books and submissions, wonderful. Oh, you must be the new chap, Prendle is it?”

He went from flustered and agitated at being caught, to charming and dismissive in one moment. It was astonishing.

“It’s Randle actually, and yes just started today. These were left on my desk for you, do you have to read all of them?”

Getting my name wrong riled me, but I let it go. It could be a simple mistake or simply the man was just being an arse. I couldn’t tell at this stage.

“Er, yes. Of course, as the Head Publisher it’s my job to pick the next big thing, the next bestseller, discover the next star of the literary world. There have been quite a few you know. I’m quite known for it.”

The self-adoration in his description of what he does nearly made me laugh and want to be sick just a little. But despite the arrogance and dislike I held for him now I had met him, he was right. He and each of his predecessors had discovered big names and published extremely popular novels. It’s what made them the best publishers and why I was here.

But I was disappointed that Jim was the man behind the magic, and then glad when I remembered he was retiring next year. Hopefully I could just learn what I needed to from him without having to spend too much time with him.

The next few weeks passed and I learnt more and more, but not from Jim. Every time I tried to pin him down for a meeting or review time, he would make an excuse and disappear for a few hours, claiming to be busy, have an appointment or just had to ‘catch up’. I even caught him napping again a few times and if it had been anyone else in a job, I would have sacked them. But he was the Head Publisher and somehow kept giving us the next great book from the massive pile. In all honesty I don’t think I had ever even see him reading. Sleeping yes, but reading no. It puzzled and perplexed me.

But we got along generally on a professional level and I fell into the office routines like everyone else. Still wanting to impress I was working late one night. Only the cleaners on the ground floor for company and my desk lamp for light. It felt nice and calm and a quiet change to the usual hum and noise of the day. Just as I was getting thoroughly engrossed in the review I was preparing, I heard a clatter at the end of hall near Jim’s office. I immediately went to investigate, the notion of anyone else working late didn’t even enter my mind as I hadn’t yet witnessed it. Upon reaching Jim’s office I could see a dull light on inside and the door slightly ajar. I chuckled to myself, thinking maybe I had mis-judged Jim and he was a worker really, even sometimes working late too to get in the success but didn’t want to admit to anyone he had to try.

I pushed open the door and started to say something about being here past his bed-time, but the room was empty. I was so confused. I had thought I could hear the rustle of pages turning, sure there was a faint shadow over the lamplight through the frosted glass. But there was an empty room with a lone lamp on in the corner. But there was also a manuscript. An open one in the middle of the tidy desk, as if in the process in being read.

I glanced around me, half sure that someone was going to jump out at me, or appear from nowhere suddenly. It was unsettling. Instead of leaving right away, I wanted to see what the book was. I had never seen a manuscript or book on Jim’s desk before so I was intrigued as to what it was actually doing there.

I walked over and sat in the chair. It was a nice office from here, it all looked very antique and so set, not very Jim at all. This room had a bit of class. I sat back in the chair and wondered if this ever would be my office, would I ever be good enough to carry the reputation of Whittle & Schumer. I felt a great sadness then come over me, the lamp seemed to dim and room grew a little darker, a shiver escaped me as a cold draft swept by my ankles.

As I was about to stand and make my way back to my desk, when the pages in front of me started to turn, as if being moved by an invisible reader. Surely that was the draft I told myself, pages often move by themselves. I backed towards the door not taking my eyes off them. I knew pages didn’t move by themselves, these were fairly heavy manuscripts being proofed or reviewed. It seemed to take an age to get to the door, and as I did, another page slowly turned. I left, closed the door and returned to my desk. I wasn’t sure I wanted that office anymore.

Only the very next week we had our next best seller. Apparently Jim had been working tirelessly to find the ‘One’ before he retired and he said he had it. We all eagerly awaited his presentation to know what we would be working on and see what gem he had found us this time. As the worksheet was handed around and Jim held the manuscript up, I could see exactly what it was. The one that had been on his desk that night, the one reading itself. Now I was bewildered. Who was doing Jim’s reading for him?!

I wasn’t going to find out it seemed, at the end of the presentation, Jim announced his retirement. He would be leaving that day. There was a fake sounding speech about how he would miss everyone and lots of insincere gushing, but on the whole a rather quick round up. I could tell he didn’t want to be here anymore, not even for his own leaving party.

As he was on his was out, he came over to me and shook my hand furiously.

“Good luck Randle, sorry I didn’t have any time to show you the ropes and stuff, this retirement thing sort of sneaked up on me you know. But anyway, good luck, and here’s a tip. If you aren’t sure what’s next, try leaving the books on the desk, you might find it comes to you in the morning.”

With that I got a strange wink, my hand released, and he was gone. I really wasn’t sure what he meant at first but it didn’t take me long to work it out. I spotted Mr. Whittle at the back of the room and made my way over to him.

“Sir, I’m not sure I can live up the reputation we have, I just want to be honest now before you make a mistake. I don’t want to let you and Mr. Schumer down.”

“Firstly, Jim was nothing special and he managed to do ok. Secondly, Bob’s been dead for decades now, he didn’t have any children so it was only him. He and grandpa built this business from nothing, we though he deserved to have his name kept on it. But it’s only really Whittle now and I believe you’ve got what it takes.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant.

“Thank you, but what do you mean there is no Mr. Schumer anymore? I though you said he popped in from time to time?”

I really was going to need this clarified I realised.

“I apologise, that is just our office humour here. There have been a few strange occurrences and sightings since he passed away so we try and make light of it. Died at his desk you know, reading, he really was dedicated to the job. And well I guess we figured he just never left. Just seemed to be luck too that whoever got his office, got the golden touch as well.”

He was so matter of fact about it I almost forgot what we were talking about, forgot about my office experience and though hey, that sounds reasonable.

“Oh. OK.”

It was all I had. I thanked him for the opportunity and returned to my desk, it wasn’t quite my office yet and I wasn’t sure I wanted it to be. Now I knew that, it creeped me out just a little bit more to know he died in there. Reading no less. Would that be my fate?

I sat there wondering. Why was he still here, didn’t he trust anyone to take over? Did he haunt the people in his office? No, that couldn’t be right, Jim had sounded very upbeat about his advice and with his regular sleeps, certainly wasn’t afraid. And then it struck me, all these years people had been taking advantage of Robert Schumer’s dedication and situation. They had forged careers from his knowledge and eye for a bestseller, it had been him all along!

And they all knew it. That’s why Jim was never around to explain how he did it, he didn’t know! It shocked and annoyed me all at once. The fear I had first felt was now replaced with disgust, but not towards the idea of a spectre, but of the living. I decided this would end with me. I would either be a great publisher because I was, or I wouldn’t be, because I wasn’t. Not because of Robert Schumer doing my work for me.

The next day I moved into my new office. I actually liked everything where it was and felt no need to change it yet. It was the overhanging sadness I was looking to remove, no-one else seemed to notice it or care, but it was a thick sadness that made the room feel stuffy, even with the window open.

At the end of my first day, I tidied the desk and put one book in the middle and went home. Feeling that my new career was finally here and I could start taking on the world. I wanted to get in early the next day to make a start on the next round of submissions, and to see if my idea had worked.

Saying my good mornings, I made my way to my office. As I got there I noticed the name had been removed from the frosted glass and a pot of paint was on standby ready to paint a new one. I opened the door and entered what could only be said, was a different room. The light streamed through the window blinds, the heavy stuffy atmosphere had been replaced with a calm fresh feeling. It was nice. And on the desk was the book I left, open on the last page on which I had written

Thank you Bob, we can take it from here. You can finally retire

And under that was a reply which simply read

Thank you

(c) K Wicks

Bobby M – The Wild Pet Mantis…

A trip to the garden centre bought a very special treat while living in Spain a few years ago. I purchase a bright and colourful gaillardia and a heliotrope in the hope of attracting some extra bees to our garden. My love of macro photography needed subjects to come to us, it was too hot in Spain during the summer to go very far on foot, and standing still trying to take photographs meant instant sweating on the spot. I needed them to come to me. Flowers purchased, we returned home and put them in the terraced yard on a table to keep them away from the floors, very hot tiles don’t help plant roots.

Later that day, I had re-potted the plants and given them some water and what do I find? A praying mantis, a cute small adorable little praying mantis! I couldn’t believe it.

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But, not only did we find one mantis – but shortly after on the same day, we spotted a second one, excited beyond belief at that point. This one was different though, the first find being a European Mantis, the second one appeared to be an Orchid Mantis or Conehead Mantis nymph, still not sure.

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We only had less than a month to enjoy the smaller of the two before nature took its course. They were not contained in any way yet chose to remain on the table in the yard with an array of colourful bright plants to have as their home. But had I known about their temperament, I would have given them separate areas. They are very territorial it turns out and will eat anything that moves, even their own kind. So, within a month we were down to one mantis, but that one was with us for months. We got to see him grow bigger, see him shed and turn into a fully grown mantis. He could have left at any time but didn’t, he stayed and every morning was exciting, to see if he was still there. Being relieved when he was. We had a great number of geckos living there too and at night they would crawl over the walls looking for tasty morsels, so we pulled the table away from the wall to give him a chance.

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The time came for us to move, we were heading up into the mountains as a change to coastal living, we were looking for a place to settle and wanted to try all options first. I could not bring myself to leave our little mantis there, it was a stark terrace without our plants and although there were lots of flowers in watered areas, the rest of the area was pretty dry – also being just at the end of a hot summer. So I decided he was coming with us, his adventure would continue in the mountains with a wild garden surrounding us and lots more flora and fauna. He seemed to take to it well, and remarkably stayed in the little mandarin tree I placed him in, safe from the geckos (up there we had more than before), and with lots of bees and flies coming and going for a food. But lets be fair, he had the whole of the outside, he didn’t really need my help.

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But there did come the day, about a month after we moved and the temperature was starting to drop, that he didn’t come out of his little tree to say hello. And no matter how hard I looked (in the tree it had become a bit of a Where’s Wally/Waldo game), one day he just wasn’t there. I knew it was coming but it was still harsh and took a bit of fun out of the morning for a while. I like to think he left to go mating and have the life of a mantis rather than anything else. It turns out up there was very habitable for mantises and we saw an array of different ones the following summer. I saw him eat plenty of insects so it’s not unreasonable to think nature took him too (or even another mantis) – and eventually time would have anyway as apparently they only live for around a year. Nature is cruel, but beautiful at the same time. This was a unique experience and one I cherish.

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Bobby Mantis

 

(c) K Wicks

Mortal Engines – Film Review

It’s taken me a number of weeks to get round to this review, because I wanted to know if I left it for a bit, would my opinion change, would I feel any different to my first assessment? We all know we can be in the ‘wrong mood’ for things sometimes, but this was a big fail for me.

To be honest the story line was only mildly appealing, really they enticed me in with CGI and the promise of action, and I thought just maybe there would be a storyline to hold it all together. After all they had roped in one of the greats from Matrix and Lord of the Rings, Hugo Weaving. But alas, even this wasn’t enough to save the poorly scripted, weirdly presented ramshackle movie.

Style over substance was the sentence that sprung to mind while watching, but even the style seemed overdone and misplaced. The younger lead roles were irritating and distant and they never really convinced me of their apparent plight. I tried to watch a second time to give it another go, but the failures as a film held me back and I gave up. For me that’s how I know, I can re-watch movies I love over and over – Captain Marvel has already been seen three times in the last couple of weeks! Mortal Engines gets a big thumbs down from me.

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Social Anxiety…

It’s like being at the back of a crowded busy room. No, just outside, but you can see in still. You were in the room a minute ago, talking and laughing with people, being the life and soul of the party. But then something changed, it could have been something you heard, maybe something you saw, you’re not sure. But now everything isn’t so chatty, isn’t so bright anymore. The people are strangers and nothing fits. The room gets hazier and feels small. You back away from the nothingness that is now surrounding you.

Outside, and safe now…

Social Anxiety - 13.01.20

(c) K Wicks