Dreams

DREAMS

(This is a chapter from my book Meeting in the Middle of Nowhere, link below).

Another reason for our differences arose shortly after we met. The subject of dreams came up and he reacted a bit strangely about it in my view. He doesn’t have them, none that can be remembered in any way at least, but found it bizarre that I did so much. And that I could replay them the next day. I have them every day, sometimes recurring, but mostly all dramatic and tiring. I had spent years despairing of them sometimes, unable to shake them upon waking. Having them follow me throughout the day, the feeling, the memory, the tiredness. Sleep is often not refreshing for me, but because my brain feels so overworked everyday just by thinking, I require sleep. I cannot escape it.

The whole concept of the above is as foreign as it could get to him when I broke it down. Why would you go through the motions of things that aren’t real when you’re asleep? All I could do was agree, it is weird and I cannot explain that bit, in fact, I have been trying to for a while now.

I watch a lot of horror (or at least have done), and often used to have apocalyptic dreams involving zombies, alien invasion or some such drama. Even when I hadn’t watched the films for quite some time, they could come back any time. Or that is how it looks on the outside. It’s easy to say that our dreams come directly from what we watch – and I have considered it, but what I go through is usually relevant to real life rather than fantasy. Anxiety, stress, worry, fear, anger – all the things we are taught to suppress in our daily lives. They just happen to manifest by way of ridiculous scenarios.

Again, to someone who does not have dreams, or visual replay of any kind, that is crazy talk. But to me it’s normal now, not enjoyable, but a bit more controllable. The trick is, not to get so wound up or anxious in real life, because it will follow me into sleep. There is no respite or escape in sleep, my brain does not shut down, and it just goes somewhere else and takes me with it.

As I got to my early twenties before I knew how to drive, I began to have driving dreams. I wasn’t even learning and had no immediate plan to, but as it was something I knew would come up, it began to feature. My mother didn’t drive and neither did my two older siblings so I had nothing to gauge it on either, so maybe that added to it. The amusing thing about those ones though, was that I had no idea how to drive, so in the dreams the car would usually roll into a hedge or down a hill. Expressing to me my main concern was that I didn’t know how to, rather than I would have to learn.  There was a partly funny, partly scary one though, where I was driving up a hill so steep that the car just tipped back on itself. So I will admit, when going up steep hills thereafter, my brain would default to a mild fleeting feeling of panic, remembering that dream.

Another that featured a few times, were teeth dreams. Occasionally I would have a dream where some of my teeth fell out. If you read any of the dream interpretation books, they say ones like that mean you are worried about money. Personally as I always had a dentist appointment booked around that time and have a fear of the dentist, I put it down to that. Although once you know how much you have to pay for your dental treatment, that could definitely give you teeth-related money dreams!

But as a depressed teenager cut off from the real world by my own mind, I found day-dreaming to be my saviour. I found living with my mother’s weirdness very draining and my only escape was to wander off in my head. I would dream of normality, try to imagine my future, what I wanted to be, dream of being brave and impetuous. Anything that could distract me from my actual reality, I read books, drew pictures, watched films, embroidered, wrote diaries, cleaned, walked our dogs (something that helped me get over agoraphobia), anything I could to not have to stop and be where I was.

I must admit, there is still a similarity as I do not have a quiet mind. But as an adult, I don’t need to daydream anymore, because I can change what I want if I need to. If something in my life is worrying me or is wrong, I can sort it out. I didn’t have that luxury when I was 15, so dreaming was my temporary way out.

The study of sleep and dreams has been going on for an age and I am aware there are people who don’t dream at all. Or some who don’t remember them in any way who do visualise, so this is a varied subject whatever your thought process or visualising capabilities. There are also the extreme sleep conditions, where people have night terrors and actually act out the fear or anxiety being experienced. Where dreams and nightmares can take on a life of their own. There really are some strange things going on inside our heads, whether we are in control or not, and even whether we are awake or not. That can be quite a scary concept.

(c) K Wicks

There’s more to come… (poetry)

There’s more to come

It just won’t rest

We’re two years in

Who could have guessed

They’d still be pushing

Division and hate

To capture your life

So they can dictate

Your wants and thoughts

And how you feel

By confusing and twisting

Just what is real

Rewriting the past

And what is to come

They think it’s sewn up

And we’re all rather dumb

But there is a feeling

And one I can’t shake

That it’s not in the bag

It’s part of the fake

How they try to convince

To make it then so

Hoping we’ll follow

As if we don’t know

Or cannot see

This elaborate ruse

Of which was a cover

So they could abuse

~

But the fightback has begun…

(c) K Wicks

There is a feeling… (poetry)

There is a feeling

And one that’s growing

Of not a belief

But more a knowing

That what was tried

Appears to have failed

What was hoped for

Has been derailed

And in its place

We just can’t shake

Seeing with new eyes

As if now awake

To the smoke and mirrors

And whole charade

As it gathered momentum

They tried so hard

To fill their need

Of mass compliance

Instead I see waves

Of complete defiance

Of logic and reason

Now taking the helm

Before we get lost

In that rather strange realm

It seems they constructed

From darkness and fear

But now it is different

And seems rather clear

~

They don’t get to control where this goes, we do…

(c) K Wicks

Books and writing fiction

There hasn’t been much time for fiction recently, with much to talk about within reality that is far more pressing and interesting and many articles have come of it. But some fiction will hopefully make it through in 2022, a new book of short stories is nearing completion and there are always more ideas jostling for position, so we will see what makes the grade. For now though, this is a rundown of my books that are already available if you find yourself in need of something else to think about 🙂

The Willing Observer – Fictional autobiography of a stalker/psychopath breaking down their methodology

A Parallel Abyss – A paranormal horror thriller

The Unknown – Horror/sci-fi story of a virus that changes the world (that one might not be an escape as such, but isn’t along the same lines as what is going on).

Under the Apple Tree and other short stories – Six short creepy stories, each with a twist – two of these are available to read on here if interested. Clocking Off and Doctors Visit.

Meeting in the Middle of Nowhere – A non-fiction book discussing the differences between Aphantasia and Hyperphantasia.

Rhyme and Reason – Poetry inspired by life.

Rhyming Reason – Volume II – Observational poetry of society and of the unfolding drama around us currently.

All the links for these can be found here on my book page

(c) K Wicks

It seems to be swaying… (poetry)

It seems to be swaying

The ship is unsteady

Their faces are telling

And breathing is thready

Something has shifted

And does so appear

Within their demeanour

A flicker of fear

The numbers are greater

Than they did predict

So back to the start

To lockdown and restrict

But this time it’s different

More have now seen through

That it doesn’t make sense

Or even ring true

But time is now short

And get on we must

Keep your wits sharp

Know what you can trust

So much being done

We cannot condone

Just know that in this

You don’t stand alone

~

There are others…

(c) K Wicks

Institutionalised

One flew over the cuckoo’s nest. You may get that reference straight away, or understand later when I explain.

I see talk again of remote learning for children from the new year, starting in Wales but it may just spread throughout the rest of the UK, or be a testing ground to see how much people can take. The drive to separate people has not spared the children at all, they are now in the firing line of it all. But I want to discuss a few points here – firstly the detrimental effect this is having on children of all ages and the strangely ignorant or flippant responses from a few adults and parents about what harm is being done, or not at all in some circles. I was a child once (as we all were), and remember it very well, so use that as a basis for trying to understand how some children may be affected by some of this. Everyone is different and will have a different environment and support network, so this won’t be the same problem for all I know, and all of my opinions are mostly speculation and theorising based on my own experiences.

Masks, currently acting as a safety blanket for some and as a bacteria harbouring vessel right next to your airways, but for developmental purposes, they cover up facial expressions. Those being extremely important to humans they say, and that we learn much from looking at the expressions someone makes when they talk. Now that most people are wearing masks and covering up their face, I take note at how little I actually look at people anymore. There is nothing of interest to look at, or smile at, or acknowledge. Which is fine if you have already worked people out and are happy not to engage with anyone. But what if you don’t know and haven’t worked things out yet? What if you rely on those movements to communicate, or understand something? I would expect it can feel very isolating and frustrating, for child and adult alike.

But it’s what you get from being around other people that seems to be overlooked here, or not, that might be part of ‘the plan’. I talk as someone who has been isolated, as a child I didn’t go to nursery, started school late, left early, got moved every couple of years and spent a big portion of my teenage years not leaving the house or having many interactions at all with people my own age. And for years, it showed. I managed as best I could with learning how to socialise, how to deal with people, social cues etc. But that was in a time when the world was just getting on with itself, and it was me who had fallen off the map, there was a world to try and assimilate into. Other perspectives, ideas, thoughts and understanding of things came from time with people. Even though I found it draining, and hard work, and confusing, it was necessary. I knew that at the time and that I had lots to make up for feeling that I had missed out.

I hate to think that so many are missing out now in similar ways, missing out on basic human interaction and learning about themselves and each other. Missing experiences they should have been afforded like we were. Instead they have been thrown under the bus in the most grotesque fashion, and used as a weapon for a purpose not yet revealed. We have come so very quickly from ‘don’t kill granny’ to ‘let’s jab 5 years olds’. Both aimed at children I might add. Priming them last year with a fear of being a walking biohazard, to this year of line up and give up more of your young life, which may or may not be affected long term with what they are pushing into them. I knew there was a distinct lack of compassion among us, but it’s like they have flicked a switch and people were given the green light to stop pretending they cared. And stop they did, it’s been alarming to see so many turn on their own friends and family, it leaves me with little hope for stranger helping stranger.

What we are allowing to be taken away is life, experience and time. Things you don’t get back, children can feel it, and we know it. But what I find most puzzling here, and I don’t think I have the answer to it myself, is why do parents want to send their children back into schools and colleges anyway? When it has been so clearly revealed over the last two years the people in charge of said educational places are instilling a rather strange mentality in people and allowing agendas to overshadow what they used to be there for. To train you for future employment and to be capable in society. It used to be the parents and immediate peers job I thought to help to teach you about yourself and the world around you. i.e. many people and perspectives leading rise to being at least given the opportunity to form your own view. Some people may remember their own school days and that there were a few teachers who had a rather narrow-minded view of the world, and it showed. But it was clear what was their opinion and what was fact – now the lines seem a bit blurred. And I’ll mention the employment again, as it can’t have escaped peoples notice that industry is currently changing and they are overhauling what was, and replacing with something else. Automation has been a long time coming, is not new and isn’t a conspiracy, but in reality, where does that leave future employment? What is it people are training for since it has been changed and steered towards total economic failure? It could be that most of the future jobs will be online, and the requirement to be on your own for long periods of time looking at a screen will serve you well one day, so they follow that path. Whether it be data processing, data mining, writing codes and algorithms or whatever they can come up with, to keep you busy and occupied and away from other people in real life. Maybe people are holding onto the old system to make it ‘seem’ normal in their own minds to keep a bit of stability for the future in their minds.

And here is where I feel as though we are all here voluntarily, like in one flew over the cuckoo’s nest. That we shout and holler about what is happening, even myself, but no-one is stopping it or leaving it behind (partly because they can’t with restrictions and constant propaganda to keep it current). But to be able to stop it if you could would mean to accept all of it, that the whole thing is a charade and that each section of their society is now interlinked and playing their role, so when one is shown to be awful and corrupt, another department still has you – you can walk away, but you can’t. We won’t treat your health problems, but sure, we’ll educate your kids and take ‘care’ of them. All of where we are is because of money, rules, regulations, statistics and targets created by people, not because of an illness.

It seems like a very sterile, controlled, monitored and joyless world being created around us as we speak, some still deny it, thinking possibly if they allow a bit of misery now, it will end soon. Which strikes me as rather a foolish thought process at this stage, but each to their own. Whether you see it coming or not makes no difference to what unfolds. Maybe that is how they are coping with their reality at the moment. It’s anyone’s guess where it goes from here, but hostility and division are being stoked and encouraged at every turn, there will be some strange times ahead.

(c) K Wicks

It seems we’re part… (poetry)

It seems we’re part

Of a grand deception

Steadily growing

From its inception

With twists and turns

The plot does thicken

And each new day

The mood does quicken

To push us further

Forward and faster

Constructing around us

An unfolding disaster

It’s hearts and minds

They want to break

And more than time

That they do take

For as they seek

To have control

They’re chipping away

At your life and soul

Hopes and dreams

A memory faded

They want you stressed

And somewhat jaded

So you’ll lay down

And not resist

To accept their plan

That you’ll merely exist

For their whims and wants

And experiment

But both sides are holding

And will not relent

~

This will go to the bitter end

(c) K Wicks

They had an idea… (poetry)

They had an idea

If you will, a plan

Something quite dark

To see if they can

Change the world

That came to be

For a new purpose

And reality

Taking our time

And wanting more

Letting the past

Become merely folklore

A long time coming

From its inception

So many complicit

To achieve the deception

That we now see

Before our eyes

It’s no longer something

They can disguise

Whatever their goal

They seem rather late

As if it’s collapsing

Under the weight

And desperately now

Their cast their new net

Wanting their future

And for you to forget

~

All that came before

(c) K Wicks

The Situation… (poetry)

The situation

It seems now dire

The powers that be

Are playing with fire

On whims and madness

The rules they made

To push us all

They will cascade

To bring about

Calamity

With their new brand

Of reality

Behind their guise

Pretending to lead

But it is our lives

On which they feed

And what they require

It really does seem

Like a well thought out

Dystopian scheme

~

Because it is

(c) K Wicks