I had observed this over the years and have given it thought previously. The infantilising of people, groups, and society as a whole. Mainly discussed as a point of interest when wondering why so many people like to hold onto childhood memorabilia, or never quite leave a part of their attachment to something from their youth. I defended people initially, saying it did not make them childish that they still appreciated something from their childhood. But I wasn’t quite seeing it from the bigger picture. It was not the appreciation that I should have been questioning, it was the distraction of it and why people felt the need to.

I thought it was just a normal social evolution, after a previous time where you had to grow up quickly, expect to be married with children by your early twenties and in a job until retirement, working hard to get by. It doesn’t sound like there was much time to indulge any ongoing childhood wants or interests, it was a case of grow up or drop out. But that has all changed, for the better I thought. Now I am not so sure. Many people now stay living at home well into their thirties (engineered in some instances by society making living on your own unaffordable), thereby making it easier to put off, miss out on or sidestep very important character-building experiences. Being shielded from life. Helped and protected for longer than is what we would consider normal. Now, that is a touchy subject, what is normal? And each of us have our own differing view of it, but we like to believe there is a ‘shared normal’ we understand and mostly stick to. But it would appear that two consequences of making it appear normal to stay at home, is that firstly no-one addresses making it affordable to live, followed by the possible delay or stunting of mental, emotional and social development. I understand even the scale of those are measured against what the system determines as ‘normal’, but does it have an effect on people? Do they feel they are missing out and not able to move on with their lives? Putting things on hold all the time until years down the line. I suspect the same could be said of anyone to be fair, people with mortgages and responsibility may say they would happily swap it back for living at home in a second. Easy to say with perspective and having been on both sides. But the long-term effect of holding people back has to be noted, as we are currently seeing in society with restrictions and lockdown, and the unknown being wheeled out whenever they need to shake things up.

They say you only get one life; my grandpa says it best in my opinion “Lives come but one per customer”. I took this literally, as well I believe I should have. It is upsetting to see so many lives derailed, side-tracked, destroyed, uprooted and tampered with in the last two years, and there appears to be no let-up in sight. So within that I wonder about those people too, how is everyone coping with such loss, grief, fear and confusion and everything being reconstructed around them? I believe the strategy is that they are trying to keep people in a state of dependency through healthcare, benefits and a helping hand, to make it feel as if you are being looked after. That there is an overall ‘parent’ looking out for you ‘From Cradle to Grave’ as they put it way back when. But that in turn seems to have made the government think they are the caregiver to us, in charge of us and therefore able to tell us what to do with each waking moment of our lives. They want to decide where you can go and when, with whom you may meet, where you may work and travel. And many seem ok with that, that is what is quite disturbing. For no good reason and with no data to back it up, only because they feel like it.

Feelings. They appear to have a lot to answer for here. We do not have an emotion called logic, or reason. But we have one called fear, and that appears to be the one causing the issue and really can make people behave in a strange way. Argument being, people want others to wear masks and jab up to make them ‘feel safe’, I find this a very strange request, mainly because I want to be safe, not feel safe. They really are quite different. And feelings are very personal, so it’s necessary for me to understand why I don’t feel safe, work out what the risk is and determine what can be done, if anything to minimise the risk. Then, if the risk is unavoidable, you weigh up whether you put yourself in harms way. Mostly, that does not involve another person initially.

I was hit by a car when I was a child, completely my fault as I ran to cross the road without looking, but for a long time thereafter I was frightened to cross the road in case it happened again. I reasoned I was correct to be afraid as it was a real danger with a very painful and real consequence, and although was taught to cross the road, thought I knew better in that moment, as you do. Despite the fact I knew other people had also been hit by cars, and even got killed by them doing the same thing. I was eight I think, so old enough really to know better. After though, I got anxiety every time I went to cross the road, for years, and looked 5 times each way, or however many it took until I was sure a car wasn’t going to just pounce on me. But I knew I wasn’t safe because of me and how I felt towards something, as long as I didn’t fall into the road, or run to cross, then the risk would be minimal. I didn’t expect all drivers to get off the road because I was scared, or to even know I was scared. So I am little bemused at how many people seem to think others (perfectly healthy others I might add), should give up their time, experiences, futures and lives, because they ‘feel scared’ and want people to indulge their fear. So far there has been very weak, if not false data to try and whip up fear in people, who are then encouraged to project that fear onto others. Yet so far, our reaction to everything has been extremely disproportionate to the risk and without merit in reality. And that way people are too busy fighting amongst each other to collectively think about where the fear is coming from. Because it doesn’t appear to be in the general day to day folk. It is mostly online, in the media and as a relentless stream of doom and threats from ‘up above’. It is wearing thin, for many.

By all means, be afraid, if anything I think it is appropriate now given how quicky this situation has escalated. Afraid for the future and where this all leads. But we should be aware that by making demands of others, whether they appear reasonable or not, is a very slippery slope and one we are travelling down. Especially when it comes to someone’s health. It should be reasonable to say I simply will not put my own health at risk just to make someone feel better because of what is going on inside their head, when I am of no threat to them in real life. Just as I would not take any drug to make someone else feel better, or drink alcohol to make them feel better, or eat food I don’t like to make them feel better. Sounds weird doesn’t it when you apply reason to it. It should. So, I have to wonder about that – how is so many ‘adults’ are using what appear to be very childish tactics to ‘get their own way’, practically by way of tantrum or ultimatum in some cases. Similar to how our government act at the moment. Childish one minute, then strict parent the next, maybe it’s a collective breakdown has occurred? Is it just a natural go-to, even when fully grown? Or is it a reaction to this situation where you feel so powerless and mistreated, you just pass on the frustration and fear and force it on others so you don’t have to face it? I guess I have many questions around this still, and even though I generalise, I understand we aren’t all the same, despite how much they would like us to be, and I will always wonder on why people do things and treat each other the way they do. The good, the bad and the ugly.

(c) K Wicks

There are many situations in life you may find you need to walk away from, I realise I have from many. But only after I feel it has run its course. This may apply to jobs, friendships, arguments, interests or anything really where it appears to someone else that you are either just leaving or ending something, sometimes others will presume for no reason. But that is where you often get to choose. Do you divulge the real reason, the honest and brutal reason? Or do you go with being diplomatic and giving a reason that doesn’t offend and to a point, keeps the peace?

That may depend on which type of person you are, or it’s something that might change with age, I’m not sure yet. All I know is that as I get older, my tolerance becomes stronger, yet shorter, I can put up with more, but why should I?

I have doubts like everyone else (or at least most people), but it is what you choose to do with that doubt that can either steer you in the right direction, or hold you in the wrong place. Many a year has been lost to those that dither. Myself included. Doubt is what usually leads to either indecision, bad decision making or giving something extra considered thought. Only one of those is purposeful, and you usually don’t get to choose which one your brain will go with or be able to recognise which one is currently being employed for said situation. Often it will either be pointed out to you, or you will realise through hindsight which one would have been appropriate. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t wait until you work it out, so thinking on your feet and decision making is required, whether you can do it or not.

But decisions and doubts can dictate an awful lot of your life, whether we realise or not, or give them thought or not, they occur. Maybe I have given this more thought than the average Joe, being a bit haunted and plagued by certain decisions that have come about and the pressure of them, here is a previous article I did on that particular feeling – Decisions.

So, back to the first line, and the question that goes with it. How does one know when something has run its course? To know that, you need to have been paying attention, to your own situation, environment, surroundings and state of mind. Otherwise how can you possibly come to that conclusion, unless there is something to conclude? So a thought process needs to be engaged, to think through the situation you find yourself in or have created and are the centre star.

Ordinarily, I would say, once you know it’s time to leave, just go. But age and experience has taught me different, to know that is not always as easy as it seems. To some people it is, they see the problem and the solution and there is no grey area or in between. Great, for them. But for others there is an in between, and plenty of grey area, because there are consequences and outcomes which some people consider, too much perhaps and it stops them actually going through with things. Or how they believe they will be perceived by other people, not wanting to appear a certain way, or to be seen to be doing something. So many lives are halted, interrupted, side-tracked or just simply wasted by wanting to please others, or by not taking responsibility for their own health, happiness and stability. But there is a little secret about why that is, and probably why no-one talks about it, because it’s deep inside each of us and we like to think it isn’t there. But it is there, and it is us, all the faces and thoughts that make each of us an individual and our own person. And not being funny, it would appear to much to bear for lots of people, to really look at and into themselves, to understand want, motive and intention. Admitting we are meant to be a little bit selfish, and self-serving, but not at the cost of others. Why not make sure you are ok first, and then help others? Looking out for number one, does not mean you can’t be concerned and helpful towards all the other numbers, if you catch my drift. Not all have the capacity it seems to understand that though, and others don’t want to admit what they are, whatever that is. And it has left us in a quite a bind now I feel, because if a person doesn’t want to be an individual or who they are, and want an overriding authority to make their choices and be in charge of decision making or if they are allowed to do things, then you hand yourself over to another set up, and one we have been conditioned to accept for many a generation.

It’s been nurtured and cultivated. I guess we call it group mentality, or the idea of socialism in its current context to some. Or of being easy to manipulate or influence and control, to others. Depends on your own personal perspective. But you are told to believe it is for the greater good, for the benefit of others. Be selfless. And on the face of it, it appears to be a way to make everything cohesive, and compliant. For each part to play their set role, for the bigger picture. Unfortunately, that ideal completely overlooks the individual, human needs and desires, and needs an awful lot of rules and regulations to ‘make it work’. It is not a natural process or state for us to put aside or overlook our own personal safety and security for others on a continuous and daily basis, it has to be conditioned and enforced, and does not come naturally. Obviously, otherwise we wouldn’t have made it this far. And it surely cannot have escaped peoples notice that the ones who decide what is ‘fair and equal’ do so with it conveniently not applying to them. It really is do as I say, but not as I do.

People as a general observation also don’t like change, and will sometimes accept what is either uncomfortable or unpleasant, simply because it is familiar. But deep down they know, and will try everything they can to supress it, dampen it, distract it and hide it. Self-denial I believe is the term for that, and one that appears quite prevalent. But admitting you have had enough, should not be seen as a failure on your part, but merely making a decision to not waste anymore of your time. People seem to have forgotten how precious time really is and freely give it away on the rantings and lies of madmen (and women). It is something you cannot buy more of and you cannot get it back. And what goes with it, life, love, loss and experience – all of those things that build our characters, and shape who we become have been tampered with so much that I really do wonder how we can be what we are meant to. Or maybe this is the turning point, where we must start to really look at what we are and where this is all going? Because if we don’t want their vision of the future to unfold, we need to be planning a new one ourselves…

(c) K Wicks