There seems to be a lot of hoo-ha currently going on about names, and the requirement by some to be relabelled and have a new name that others need to recognise or they ‘lose their shit’, is the best way I can put it. With some online videos having done the rounds recently and over the years of people literally having a full public tantrum and meltdown over being addressed in a polite, but different manner than they would like or want. Quite the spectacle then ensues over something they deem important, and only them. So, I have given some thought to what it is that is so special about a name, that for those people, it reinforces their whole reality, to the point of madness. Most people though, not so much. If you have ever had a strange or difficult first name or surname, then you may have come up against someone not bothering to pronounce it properly, which may have led to disappointment or correcting them, but I have never seen it lead to a public tantrum, or even a ‘private’ meltdown. Although, no longer private these days in some cases too, because the person having said meltdown will often then film themselves having an episode about it, and share that online. Ensuring that others can see their ‘pain’ at hearing a word they did not like, showing the world that their fragile reality is based on a word, and that others must play long for it to be ‘harmonious reality’ for them. Seems like a number of issues working alongside each other there, personality and identity disorders as well as an inability to process and deal with emotions, and understand acceptable boundaries of interaction with other people.

Because while someone who is having those issues may scream and shout about being accepted and labelled correctly, they sort of then open a floodgate. That is to say, the gloves are suddenly off on both sides. Because demanding to say and do whatever you want, because you ‘feel like it’, means others can also use that card, to say and do whatever they want back, because they also ‘feel like it’. And if you come up against someone who has the same level of rage, or level of hysteria, then all hell breaks loose. But there is a difference, to me anyway, of one being usually developed and possibly medicated in a way that clearly seems to suppress emotional maturity and development, and perhaps normal emotional reasoning. Which may indeed play a role towards why they act like that in public. But the other type who is on the receiving end and may respond, which could well be medicated too in some way, they say we all have a ‘mothers little helper’ to get through the day, are what I think of as the Falling Down type. Like the movie. Where you are wound up over a number of years with a number of life problems, like an elastic band ready to snap. A fair amount of that will be building as the conditions are being set for more of it in people. But it’s odd, to me, that someone would think that merely a name can represent who they are, and if they shout it at people loud enough and demand it be used, they will suddenly see you for you. Whereas actually, from all the shouting and behaviour being displayed to ‘make people’ hear and see ‘who you are’, they have already decided you are a complete tit, and don’t even care at that point what you are called. And will instead decide that you require a wide berth rather than to be pandered to. There is a sad hilarity in that which doesn’t escape me, that in trying to be accepted in such a dysfunctional way, you in fact alienate people and push them away from you. Sometimes it is necessary to ‘nip things in the bud’ as they say, because if left unchecked or given some misguided encouragement, it can turn into quite the ugly monster of behaviour, as you may well have realised along the way.

But despite it seeming as if there is nothing in a name On the face of it, and although one might think it cannot determine your persona or reality, there does seem to be a case for looking at other things that I believe tie in. And why it might actually be relevant, but not in the way people think. Because it is a bit of a thing when conditioning people, of trying to erase their history or identity, that you will go to great lengths to change or abolish their name. This is maybe why it’s pushed so much that if someone used the name you no longer would like, they have called it deadnaming, trying to give an air of actual death or finality over the ‘previous identity’ so it can be quashed and killed off. A sort of internal mental suicide where you can’t face living as you, so transform into something else to escape the reality – and as we know, you can only go so far with convincing yourself mentally, so I see why the physical then follows. We also reduce people to numbers in society though, in an attempt to separate them from their name and individuality, to help to break down what was, and replace with a desired result. Prisoners being given a number as well as other establishments areas, military and law enforcement cutting half your name away, taking away the personal touch but leaving the formal half. You might think it is just an action of efficiency, but the mental effect that has is important. To separate the mindset from the average folk. So, what is in a name? Why is it so important for people to have one, and how much of them and their true identity is linked to it? I have wondered previously about all these online personas people create of themselves, picking names and a face they ‘feel’ represents them, and playing that part in the metaverse we all mostly willingly take part in within social media. But if you subscribe to the belief in being able to manifest a separate entity through thought projection, as in Tupla Mysticism, then it becomes a different kettle of fish entirely. And a strange world emerges. So, at what point does the old identity disappear and the alter ego, or newly created persona take over, is there always a fight between the original self and the new self that needs to constantly reinforce its presence? With an almost complete breakdown of self once that encounters a disagreeable view or differing opinion. Only satisfied and ‘calm’ when being affirmed, validated and congratulated on said ‘new self’, but is ultimately unstable and becomes dependent on that continued attention to maintain their ‘new self’. Or at least that is how I see it and it comes across in the public forum it is presented within. There are plenty of people though who only need their own approval, and those people go about their business and just get on as best they can trying to navigate society, as we all have to…

(c) K Wicks

As in the saying. And if you know the saying, you know what I mean, and you will also know that there is usually more than one, but that’s enough to upset the applecart as they say. Social etiquette and civility is a dying art these days. People and their attitudes had been on the way down for a while, with the latest collective social episode fraying the edges a little more. My previous piece Where did courtesy go? looked at this issue and now we have had another four years on top, so thought I would revisit it.

As we know, not everyone has the same ideals or attitude towards society and their fellow man (and woman). So, we go about teaching people from a very young age about social etiquette and standards to go by, to keep everything mostly on a level and civil. Just for the purpose of getting by I thought, get on to get by. Simple. Except, we have many other factors ruling a person’s demeanour and behaviour, and knowing how you should behave and then doing so, seems a bit of a struggle for some being honest. Leading to issues, of a communicative nature and everything that follows thereafter. Because if you can’t communicate properly, or said communication is not understood then there is a problem. As well as if the receiver of that information, lacks the capacity to understand what is required of them, or how to fulfil the implied request of being a normal person within the interaction. It is strange to think that you can have two people, who can speak the same language and appear mostly the same but don’t have a clue what the other is saying. That quote by Alan Greenspan comes to mind here again –

“ I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant”

But there are people who know full well what is being said, and know very well what they are doing. Unawareness is one thing, but actively being a nuisance or causing a disturbance to others is downright rude. And some thrive on it, because it gains them attention which they crave, but lack the ability to achieve it in a positive way, so they follow the negative scenario to get what they want. It would take effort, experience, knowledge and understanding to react differently or in a more positive manner, so often it is bypassed altogether. People can be lazy mentally as well as physically, that has been well proven. But the fallout from that is evident, because it only takes one they say. One bad apple to spoil the lot. In fact, apples feature a lot in this type of thing – as I said in the beginning, it upsets the apple cart. That bad apple soiling the lot reference being another, and then one more which most would be familiar with. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, there to mean that if the parent is dysfunctional and the child turns out to be as well, then it’s not hard to see why. Not sure why apples are so intertwined with sayings related to bad behaviour or ruining the overall mood, morale, situation or ‘cart’, but there it is.

And what of the ones who go out of their way to piss people off or just ruin it because they don’t care, well, they used to get their comeuppence a bit more perhaps, by way of peer pressure or eventually being ousted as a disruptor. Often ending up being an outcast because people’s tolerance will only go so far, and they end up having to distance themselves if they don’t want to deal with the fact they are the problem. Instead finding it easier to come up with many excuses as to why they are the victim, or not the one at fault and moving onto new people to be part of their play. Probably crossing over into narcissism at some level, by whether they are really that complex remains to be seen. It can make someone sound far more interesting to give them such a label, when in reality they should just be called a user, or an arsehole. And yes, there could be extra time taken to look at the condition of being one and give it a fancy name, but no need sometimes for people such as that. But once you identify one such as that, it’s best to just give them a wide berth as mostly you won’t even feature in their reality as anything but useful, as an audience or as expendable depending on their requirement at the time. Unfortunately if you work with people in that category, then it’s hard to side-step them, so you can only do what you can do.

(c) K Wicks

A reading of my article Prepped for Disaster, Or Clever Programming?

(c) K Wicks