I’m sure many have noticed we appear to be living in a time where the phrase

‘Words are literally violence’

has entered the scene. And many laugh at it, as well they should. I’m from the not so far away time of

‘Sticks and stones may break by bones, but words will never hurt me’

so it’s quite a turnaround. And being honest, not a very good one. I believed and still do, that it’s meant for character building, preparing you for people in life, and to thicken your skin as the saying goes. Being able to take insults, or being laughed at is a life skill I thought.

But it’s a fine balance really isn’t it, and one that takes years to get right. We have all felt bad at some point because of others, either what they have said or what they have done. I believe you should listen to what people are saying and understand it, then have to decide what you take on board and what you discard, then move on. But many people are so self-absorbed, and thinking about what the words mean to them, I feel they overlook an important lesson and get stuck in the ‘poor me’ aspect. The lesson being, it usually says an awful lot about the person saying them, and sometimes, when you get to root of the why, it’s often nothing to do with you, so is a complete waste of your time to let it affect you. It’s their own anger, confusion or possibly just meaness coming through and being directed at someone else. A very sure way to deflect from their own feeling and failings.

I’ve had all sorts of insults in my time, and because I look at things logically, I usually analyse what they said, how it made me feel (if it did), then review it to understand if what they said is really what they meant. (People have a habit of not actually saying what they mean) And if they did mean it, where did it come from. That way, if I am at fault, I can usually see it, and will happily own up to said behaviour once recognised and apologise if necessarily or take action to correct it. But if it is their problem, I will definitely point it out to them.

So, how did we get to the stage where people think they are being physically attacked when they hear words that seem to shake them to their very core? Is it a lack of emotional maturity that means they can’t process what is happening, so a tantrum or meltdown may occur as with a toddler? It also could be a general lack of awareness and lack of basic communication skills. People don’t seem to understand that if you aren’t very good at communicating or lack vocabulary, you cannot explain how you feel properly to someone else. That could be quite isolating and frustrating, so you find any way you know how to get interaction and attention on whatever level is on offer. Even if that is a completely dysfunctional level.

Is it possible that there is a middle ground to be found, and that perhaps the extremes are being pushed in society because it does cause a divide of communication (left and right, red and blue, us and them etc), and means we have more difficulty explaining and expressing ourselves to each other and being understood. Which in turn leads to higher frusrations and wilder emotions, which can then cause outbursts and what we would call a failure to communicate. The people who think they are being punched with words do need to toughen up, that is for sure. Some cold harsh truths would do some people some good, and a bit of time to think them over without running to others for input before they have even given it thought themselves.

Others opinions and ideas can have a very big impact on what would otherwise have been your decisions, so make sure before you seek advice or feedback on things, you know whether you actally need advice or not. It’s very easy to panic or get overwhelmed and think you need someone elses input on something, but you don’t always know if the other person is either equipped to give said advice on that matter, or may not have your best interests at heart with the advice they give. Finding someone who is impartial and logical isn’t easy these days, if it ever was. Once you add feelings into that, it gets even more complicated. So try and be truthful to yourself and others, and know you can’t control how someone is going to feel about it thereafter, but don’t be unneccessarily mean, there is just no need for it. As we all know, the truth can hurt all by itself…

(c) K Wicks