Month: July 2021

The garden 2021 – June berries

~ MKW Publishing ~ 5 Comments

Its been quite a month in the garden, so many bugs, berries and insects, and more flowers bursting through.

The loganberries, gooseberries and redcurrants look like they will be plentiful. And there’s a handful of blueberries ready to pick and eat 😋 .

The wild strawberries are also ripening on a daily basis now and its super cool having to forage for them. Rummaging through the bushes for them!

They are very sweet and my dog like strawberries too so come running over for one when it’s rummage time.

Small little handfuls everyday, what a summer treat. Homegrown fruit from the garden.

(c) K Wicks

New paintings – trees

~ MKW Publishing ~ Leave a comment

These are the ones that have started my new wave of paintings, after doing 3 of these, I wanted to do the green one posted earlier. Problem is, these paintings start as black and white and look rather effective. So I have painted more so I can keep one in black and white, i’ll share those tomorrow

(c) K Wicks

PTSD

~ MKW Publishing ~ Leave a comment

This is a chapter excerpt from my recent published work – Meeting in the Middle of Nowhere.

PTSD 

I wasn’t sure where this fit so it has its own small chapter. I also wanted to include it because before we knew of Aphantasia, my husband was actually rather dismissive of this condition. He said he didn’t understand why people were so traumatised to have this in the first place and why it goes on for so long. He can be extremely perceptive, so not getting it confused me and maybe because I had been diagnosed with this very thing, made me start to piece things together. Trauma and PTSD are different for everyone, but I believe memory and mental time travel made this last longer than necessary for me.

I had a breakdown and suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – just in case you haven’t come across this term before) from the age of fourteen, then spent the next three to four years at home with just my mother. Very limited home schooling and little or no socialising outside of the house. Then just before I turned eighteen, my mother suffered a massive brain aneurysm. I’m not going to lie, it was the most shocking event of my life. Whatever trauma I thought I had experienced up until that point, was completely overshadowed. It was on my watch too, I was home late from an appointment mid-morning and found her, having to call the ambulance and deal with the initial fallout. We had dogs so I called my step-father and the ambulance left with her, leaving me alone in the house with the dogs for company.

But what I do find interesting is despite the awfulness of what was happening, a part of my brain kept functioning but in a very detached state. Reason and logic were working on a different level. It happened on a Monday, and although my older brother lived away, I knew it was his day off. So I didn’t call him. My reasoning being, I’m about to change his life forever, nothing will be the same after this. And although I desperately wanted company and to share this tragedy, I wanted him to have one more normal day. And he did, I told him the next day. So there is a part of me that does and can keep functioning when the other part of me has shut down. All I can call them are split experiences, I have access to both and took part in both, but which one I focus on can determine how I cope with them.

It has taken me years to get over that event. To make matters more complicated she survived, but not in a good state. She ended up stuck way up north where we were residing at the time, so very cut off from anyone. I was the only child left living at home and made the choice to not look after her. I left and chose me and my upcoming life instead. You may judge me as harsh for leaving, but if you knew the full background you would possibly understand. I was followed by years of guilt for leaving, having to find out what had happened in my life so I didn’t have to have it following me anymore.

It was five years later she passed away and although I was relieved, I was not left with a sense of peace for some time after. My guilt at not being there to save her, and for not looking after her kept followed me. Every minute of that experience is etched in my mind, and for years it replayed whenever it felt like it. But the whole five years it went on for too, and after the funeral. It’s for things like this that I do not appreciate having such clear memories with full imagery. The only thing I could do over the years was to dissociate the emotions that I had attached to them, gradually minimising the impact and effect it would have on me. My life is still up and down as I am, I’m just dealing with it slightly better these days.

After knowing people like me see images and memories in our heads, my husband did understand why PTSD was such a thing for so many people. Even giving me a bit of insight into how people without imagery may still be affected. He says that maybe by not being able to adequately remember or visualise a traumatic event end up leading to a lack of closure. You aren’t able to work through it and put it behind you. I know it’s different for everyone though so it’s always going to be hard to say for sure.

(c) K Wicks

Meeting in the Middle of Nowhere

In the garden – June #1

~ MKW Publishing ~ Leave a comment

Its been a busy month, for work and for nature. With all the sun and now a good bit of rain, its bulked everything up. New flowers are starting to open, with the yellows looking to be making way for the reds, pinks and purples.

The fuchsia has come back again, funny really, I tried 3 times to grow a fuchsia, bought already flowering and everything. They always died. This one was just a stick that had been left when we moved in, not even planted, just on the ground. I didn’t know what it was but could still see green under the bark so put it in dirt. Within a few weeks, it had leaves…

The potatoes have started flowering too, they have such pretty flowers. Potatoes are just great, the Bush crickets and snails are eating the leaves as quickly as they can but can’t keep up! Its providing great shade and bushiness for the bed too. I often see the sparrows having a little hop around in there looking for food.

I have white and red carnations this year, I don’t remember planting two colours so its good to see what appears to be new. A lovely dash of colour.

Another pink strawberry flower was poking through, its overshadowed by other strawberries, the loganberries and the fuchsia, so I’m impressed its made it at all.

The nasturtiums have just started to come out as well, its been a bit quiet for butterflies this year so far, but usually these bring the large and small white butterflies in.

The hydrangea is trying, its bee moved this year and surrounded by poppies which have now been and gone so ill clear some room and maybe it will do a bit better.

Its all pink and purple poppies this year, I thought I had planted some red ones but seems not. Either way, its a superb splash of colour and the bumble Bees love them.

(c) K Wicks